For this piece of writing I have focussing on my vocabulary and punctuation. I have been learning to:
- use a range of precise vocabulary to communicate meaning (Year ⅞)
- use all basic punctuation independently and attempt more complex punctuation (eg semicolons, colons, parentheses) (Year 7/8)
The pieces of my writing that are highlighted green are where I have shown my vocabulary and punctuation goal.
My Story - The Ocean disaster
“Please put your hand up if you would like to go on an underwater adventure.” Said Miss Paige, sounding very passionate.
Victoria loves to be underwater exploring different things, so she raised her hand as fast as she could.
“ Ok, that is quite a few so I will tell you who is going after lunch” said Miss Paige.
Ding, ding went the loudspeaker and everyone rushed to class so they wouldn't be late.
“ Ok everyone, I hope you had a great lunch” said Miss Paige.
“Now for the underwater adventure. There are only 6 people who get to go and those 6 people are Victoria, Ethan, Stacey, Josh, Georgie and Lachie.” Said Miss Paige
Ding, ding went the loud speaker
“Ok have a good weekend everyone and can Victoria, Ethan, Stacey, Josh, Georgie and Lachie please come and grab a notice off me because we are going in two weeks. Bye everyone” Said Miss Paige sounding very excited.
The night before camp!
Victoria is very excited about camp. She made sure that everything was ready as they needed to be at school by 7.00am. She released her bag on the ground with relief as it was difficult to carry. Then she quickly said goodnight to her Mum and Dad and went straight to bed.
The day of camp!
“Beep, Beep, Beep” Went Victoria’s alarm clock. Suddenly Victoria bounced out of bed and quickly got ready for camp and in seconds she was out the front door. As she arrives to school there is a small bus waiting there looking like he wants to drive away. Victoria, Ethan, Stacey, Josh, Georgie and Lachie hop on the bus with Miss Paige and they quickly say goodbye to their parents and then the bus driver starts the engine and then he drives to the airport. As they arrive at the airport, Victoria could see straight away that the airport was packed.
“Wow look at the view” Victoria said excitedly.
“Oh Yeah” Georgie said.
Victoria, Ethan, Stacey, Josh, Georgie and Lachie arrive at camp and they are so excited to get stuck into their activity. “ Ok, there are two groups. Group 1 is Victoria, Stacey and Georgie and Group 2 is Ethan, Josh and Lachie. Group 1 and 2 you can choose what cabin you want to go in. Victoria and her friends run up the stairs and chuck their things on the floor. Then they run down the stairs like a herd of elephants. Your first activity is a Collaborative game.
1 hour later!
“Oh that was so fun” announced Stacey sounding very fascinated.
“Yeah” Victoria and Georgie said.
“Ok, everyone time for Dinner and then go to bed because everyone has a big day tomorrow.
“Ok” everyone says and then they go straight to bed.
The Next day!
“Group 1 you are snorkelling and Group 2 you are playing Capture the flag”. Said Miss Paige.
“Hello Group 1 I am Jamie your instructor for today. Is everyone excited for snorkelling”. Jamie expressed sounding very cheerful.
“Yes” Victoria, Stacey and Georgie said excitedly.
“I’ll now show you where to get your gear and then we will go to the ocean.” Said Jamie.
“In here is where we keep all our gear for different activities, so grab your gear and then get changed in the changing rooms and meet me right here.”
Victoria, Jamie, Georgie and Stacey jump into the car and drive to the ocean.
They jump into a smallish boat and drive into the middle of nowhere. Victoria, Georgie and Stacey get ready to go underwater, while Jamie explains the safety rules. After the safety rules were finished, Victoria, Jamie, Stacey and Georgie sat backwards and went underwater.
Then they swim to some gorgeous rocks.
Georgie then points to a rock that is in a shape of a love heart. Everyone suddenly has a bigger smile than before. Then Stacey points at a blurry spot coming towards them and it gets closer and closer and they all get more curious to know what it is. They then quickly realise that it is a Great White Shark.
They all start swimming as fast as could to the boat as it was a fair bit away. They all jump on the boat and look for the Shark. They suddenly see a fin poking out of the water near by. So Jamie starts the engine and zooms off to shore. As they are driving back to shore everyone wraps themselves up in there towels.
Once they are back at camp Victoria and her friends talk to Miss Paige about all their fears and Jamie helped calm them down. After they had finished talking they all wanted to give it another go as everything else was a fantastic experience (apart from the Shark of course).